Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
