Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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