Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Houston, we have a blender
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
