You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
