I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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