i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
