Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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