I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
