just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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