it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
