i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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