I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
