He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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