omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I enjoy the company of your penis
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
