wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
