I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
