what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
