So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
