Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
