i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
