my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
