the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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