I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
