his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i will never coherently bang her
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize