I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
