I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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