its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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