is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
