I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
