tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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