Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
