I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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