I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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