Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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