i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
