I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
