I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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