if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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