I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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