well I can't set my house on fire every night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
vagina is talking i cant
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
