omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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