Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
