whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
