Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
