i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
