and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
