Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
