I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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