He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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