i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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