I cockslap morals
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You ruined the universe
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Pooping to opera.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
