Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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