So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
her facebook's as public as her vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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