I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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