In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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