Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
