Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
